And I'm doing nothing. I don't do Valentine's day. Seriously, I don't. Well, maybe when I was a teenager, but not anymore. And certainly not now that I'm happily married.
I have lots of reasons. First, it's a bit like Christmas. A religious holiday that's been co-opted by confectioners, savvy florists and greeting card companies in order to turn a buck. Unlike Christmas though, it doesn't have any of the other good stuff going for it. I'm pretty sure it's not even a real Saints day anymore.
If we were in the middle ages (the days of courtly love), I could kind of get behind it, because at least then the 'valentines' were hand written cards. These days, you just pick a pre-printed message from the rack and sign your name. Ooooooh, way to go all out and express your love! Maybe you should buy some flowers at three times the normal price to go with your pre-printed card. That way you can show your love by being lazy and stupid!
I realize that some of you are clasping your hands over your mouth and saying "Oh My!" in shock at my negative attitude for this day of love. That's okay. Because it's really not my fault. In grade school, Valentines day is innocent. Everyone in the class gets a card from everyone else, and maybe some sweetheart candies. It's sweet kids learning how to be nice. But after that, the innocence wears off as the retailers take over. At worst it becomes an excuse to not do anything to show your love for the better part of a year. So, from buying jacked up flowers to pre-printed cards, I just don't do it. Blame the retailers for stealing the sweetness and innocence and cheapening it in the quest for money. My attitude is partly their fault.
But mostly, it's my Dad's fault.
Obviously, I had ample time to study his relationship with my Mom growing up. I do remember him giving her flowers fairly often. But I don't remember it being Valentine's day. I remember it being on ordinary days. It's taken me awhile to figure this out, but I think I have it now. Instead of waiting for a 'special day' to show his love with flowers, he would make an ordinary day special... for her.
Not just with flowers. I remember him coming home from work. It was almost always the same routine. He would take off his coat and put his wallet and keys in his drawer, then sit down at the dinner table. Then he would pull Mom onto his lap and give her a kiss. After some chatting and joking, he would get up and they would get dinner on the table together.
Then there is the giant teddy bear he gave her before I was born, while he was still in the Army. The Bear's name is S.H. Ortimer, and he sits in a chair at the top of the stairs to this day. The bear was a gift, but also a symbol. Dad was a shortimer in the Army and would soon be out and they could get married.
He also does it by making her laugh, and by giving her gifts that will remind of her of the jokes he makes- to make her smile. Like his wedding gift to her, a Siamese cat with a biblical name. (If you want in on that joke, you'll have to ask them)
Speaking of weddings, the engagement ring he gave her wasn't a diamond. He made that special too by giving her her favorite gemstone instead.
Even more important than the gifts were the other things I watched him give her. I remember him listening, just listening. Listening when bad days at work got her down. And never telling her what he thought she should do until she asked.
And he makes her feel special by holding her hand. When ever I see them walking together, even today, after so many years together, he always reaches for her hand.
I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Now you can see it's my Dad's fault. I spent years watching him make everyday a special day for the one he loves. And from him I've learned... That chocolates taste better when they aren't expected. That flowers are brighter and smell sweeter on the ordinary days. That a handwritten note tucked in a lunch bag on Tuesday always trumps Hallmark drivel on Valentines day. That hugs and kisses and smiles everyday are way more important than roses on Valentine's day.
That to truly share and show your love, you have to try and make everyday special, not just Valentine's day. There you have it. I don't do Valenine's day, because I'm shooting for everyday.
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