Things I want to teach the Boys #1

This will probably be a recurring topic, maybe summed up eventually in one of those '100 things every kid...' type of posts.  I honestly like those.  I always find something neat or thought provoking in them.

And I honestly do dream a bit about all the things I hope to teach my boys.  For the past few days I've been browsing through a site my friend Chris turned me on to.  Called The Art of Manliness, it's a repository of cool and classic stuff guys should know.  So of course it's captured my interest as I day dream about the stuff I want to teach the hooligans as part of the deheathenification process.

One of the first posts that caught my attention was How to Tie a Tie.  It's kind of funny how many guys I've met who don't know how to tie a tie.  Even in the Army, where the Drill Sergeants actually gave us a lesson on tying a tie, most guys went out and bought clip on ties at the first opportunity.  Later on I had to teach few fellow managers in shared hotel rooms before dinners at yearly meetings.

So maybe it's actually kind of sad.  A guy should be able to tie a real tie when he's required to wear one.  I'd like to thank my Dad right here and now for teaching me to how to tie a neck tie not one, but three different ways.  Thanks Dad.

I used to have to wear a tie all the time.  One of my first jobs was selling kids shoes.  For some reason, the owners of the store thought that a guy crawling around on the floor with screaming toddlers while wearing a tie would sell more shoes than a guy doing all that sans tie.  I never figured out why.  In my experience, the guy crawling around on the floor on Saturday sold a lot more shoes than the guy in the shop on a Monday.  Go figure.

Anyway, I quickly became an expert at the Half Windsor.  For variety, I'd occasionally throw in the Four in Hand and Full Windsor.  But the Half Windsor always looked best to me.  I also quickly learned that toddlers love neck ties.  They were great to yank my head around with.  And they were good to chew on.  I was going through neck ties at a pretty alarming rate.  So I tried out the bow tie.

Not only are bow ties relatively toddler proof (much harder to grab), they have a sort of vintage coolness.  Smart guys like college professors wear bow ties.  Bow ties are old school.  Bow ties are classic.  As the Doctor will tell you, bow ties are cool...

Bow Ties will get you noticed, and now that they seem to be a bit fashionable again, you'll get noticed in a good way.  For the past five or six years, I've gotten my favorites from The Bow Tie Club.  Lest you doubt what Dr. Who and I are telling you, I give you this final piece of anecdotal evidence...  Regardless of whether they are trending up or down, I've never had a woman who failed to smile warmly at me and my dapper bow tie.

But, just like neck ties, clip ons are cheating in the worst way.  Any je ne sais quoi your bow tie bravery may bring you, it evaporates the moment someone finds out you didn't tie it yourself.  I'm not kidding.  I wore one to an interview once, and the guy asking the questions rolled his eyes a bit.  Then he asked me if it was a clip on.  I said no, and proceeded to show him how to tie it.  After the impromptu lesson, he said he wished he knew how to tie a bow tie.

You see, what he understood, and what we all know is that some things are measurably better if you know how to do them yourself.  You don't even have to actually do them.  But there is a power in the knowing, the realization you could do it if you wanted to.  I don't change the oil in my car.  But I could if I wanted to.  Yes, I can cook over open flames (and do), but I'm just as good over the stove, the grill, and the oven.  And yes, I was offered the job.  Obviously, if I could tie a real bow tie, there was no limit to my skills.

The Art of Manliness site has some great videos for the three neck tie knots I mentioned above.  And I should thank you as well Chris, because I also learned the Shelby.  Didn't know that one.

But apparently I'm a little too manly for the Art of Manliness.  Can you believe they leave out my beloved bow tie?  I guess not  everyone can pull it off.  If you think you can, here are instructions.  The key is making sure it isn't perfect.  Bow ties, and their knots, should be as individual as the guy wearing it.  Now, let me be the first to welcome you to this exclusive group.

So, the first thing I want to teach the boys.  How to properly tie their own ties.  No matter how casual we become in our dress, there will always be times they have to wear a tie.  Like my funeral.  

I don't want them to be clip on kind of guys.  I want them to realize how good it is to know things.  All kinds of things.  And if they are brave enough, I'd love to see the occasional bow tie.

Don't worry boys.  I also have lessons on hatchet throwing and trebuchet building planned as well.  But someday, you'll want to take someone special to a nice dinner.  And you'll be glad you know how to tie your own tie.